Proof of Existence
by Optical Rain
Summary: As Hisao starts his second year of undergraduate school his heart condition takes a turn for the worse.
1. Open Book

"Nakai, man the second counter!"

My manager, Mr. Nakamura, is already barking orders at me from across the bookstore as I enter and I haven't even set down my bag yet.

I've worked in the university bookstore long enough to know that I got a pretty busy afternoon ahead of me. The start of the first term brings lines of students in to buy materials in the first few days.

Therefore, I am not surprised to see that the bookstore is packed and severely understaffed as always. That Nakamura is pretty picky when it comes to hiring students. He wants to run only the most dedicated team.

I take a position in the second counter specifically made for dealing with the start of term rush and begin my routine from last year.

"Find everything okay?" I ask my first customer of the year, a man with light stubble and a worn expression on his face. As far as looks are concerned he must be the type who stayed out partying the end of the summer away last night.

He doesn't answer my question but nods and hands me a textbook for general psychology and a statistics workbook.

In this line of work your movements become second-nature by routine as well as your greeting to the costumer.

Once I get into the rhythm of things my mind floats away to thinking about other matters. I make it a game of guessing the lives of the students who pass by here and what they're studying to become. Its always an interesting way to pass the time.

It isn't long before I get a nudge to my arm as I finish ringing up a timid freshman girl. I turn around thinking it's just Nakamura breathing down my neck but am surprised to see the living embodiment of my fears.

"Hey man, how was your summer?" The bespectacled man scrunches up his eyes trying to get a better look at me. It's insane how he wears a scarf even during this summer heat.

"Kenji? What are you doing here?" for the love of God, please don't say what I think it means.

"What are you talking about man, I work here. Been working since this summer."

I can feel all the blood draining from my face as Kenji smiles triumphantly. I have to admit I never imagined he would be able to hold down a job, what with having to deal with female co-workers.

Suddenly he drops his voice so that only I can hear. "You wouldn't believe the number of freshman girls dropping by this place. This university is overrun with them. It's only a matter of time until we're kicked off and replaced by an all-women staff."

I have a hard time imagining that happening, I'm more likely to be fired for talking on the job than a campaign from feminists wanting to rule the bookstore.

Mr. Nakamura is the old-fashioned type. I wouldn't go so far as to say he's sexist but there's only two women in our staff out of six people. I think I overheard him rambling that the best days the university saw was when it was still an all-boys university though.

Well, maybe he is sexist. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to figure out why he and Kenji get along enough for Kenji to get hired.

"Nakai, switch to stacking our incoming shipment of books. Setou help him," Nakamura comes over to us to take over and I make my way to the aisles of books thick with students trying to find their class materials. Kenji follows me rambling the entire way.

"I've already taken a look at the men-to-women ratio at this university and it has a population of women that outnumber us three to one."

The boxes are already there stacked in the middle of the aisle waiting for us. I open the one on top and start stacking them by class prefix.

"Don't you think that's going a little overboard?" I ask. That number certainly can't be right.

"The numbers don't lie man. I'm building a fort in my room for the incoming assault that's about to happen. I have enough canned food to last me five months," Kenji takes some of the books I give him to stack but just stands there looking at me.

"What about you man, you're my eyes on this sort of thing. Are your classes swamped with women?" Kenji asks urgently.

Considering that I'm majoring in physics I barely see my share of women in my large lectures. There might be at least five in a room full of about a hundred. Still I can't say I'm worried about it.

"I might see more women when it comes down to the teaching classes themselves rather then my core physics class," I answer, finishing with the first box.

Kenji makes an odd snorting sound as I begin opening the second box and mumbles something about women brainwashing the children. We both get to work in silence, helping the odd student here and there to finding their textbooks.

My stacking partner already seems to know the ins and outs of this place, stacking the books on their corresponding shelves. Despite his insanity I secretly feel like its nice to see the old Yamaku face in a constant stream of strangers in everyday university life.

Sure I've seen Kenji around campus before, he's one of the only people from Yamaku to make the transition with me to Kyoto for study. He always struck me as the type to earn good grades.

The other surprisingly being Emi, who's on an athletic scholarship. We still see each other as often as we did back in Yamaku, this time with me tutoring her in some science classes that she took to supplement her nutrition major.

Emi always struck me as the type to be a coach, so I admire her determination to become a personal trainer.

She's also doing very well on the university's track and field team. I come out to see her meets whenever I can and she's as fast as ever. Of course, the university has comprised its team of only the best, so this time she has to work twice as hard to impress.

Whenever I see Emi though there's a empty feeling that I can't shake off. I always expect to see the armless artist from our little group in the days of Yamaku with her, only to be disappointed.

Rin and I didn't part on the best of terms that fateful day in the rain. After we went our separate ways I heard from Emi that she got an offer at Tokyo University on artistic scholarship for her work.

Apparently there had been a university scout by chance on the exhibition that Sae put together for Rin. He had been very impressed with her work enough to put in a recommendation.

Emi noticed that Rin and I didn't talk at all after what happened. I don't ask but she still takes it upon herself occasionally to bring me up to speed through the letters the two of them share.

If I am being honest with myself I have no idea what I should feel when it comes to Rin.

I've had a good year to process what happened. I tell myself that everything ended on that day for us because I had been too desperate to get through to her.

I had been selfish, for my part. I never understood what Rin must have been going through for that exhibition. Its too late to fix what is broken now but no matter how hard I try I can't forget her.

She still pops up in mind every now and again. I notice that I have taken to sketching as a hobby. I draw on the side of my papers as I take notes in class, my whole notebook is full of those doodles.

When I draw I only think of her.

Once my shift is over I say goodbye to Kenji and make my way to the cafeteria to grab something to eat. The atmosphere is as lively as ever with eager talk fluttering around about the start of classes.

It's normal for me to eat alone on days like this. Emi usually eats with me whenever she can but it's better to just get it over with instead of dealing with all the hassle about making our schedules work together all the time.

Once I finish wolfing down the miso soup I brought I make my way to the final class of the day. The professor for Physics 2 is an old man who makes me imagine an older Mutou.

He covers some basic broad topics for the first day, nothing too heavy though I might have a problem with how fast he goes. I'm lucky that he didn't assign any homework already like my other classes did, my calculus class is laying it on pretty quick already.

As I dodge through the stream of students entering for their class as we leave I feel my phone vibrating inside of my pocket. On closer inspection the name "Emi" flashes me a text message.

_Hope your luckier than I am,_

_Classes already piling on the homework. _

_May need your excellent tutoring skills again._

_Lets meet up for lunch tomorrow?_

I can't help but smile at her pleas for help already. I don't mind tutoring Emi, I actually like the chance to get into the teacher role and feel out what I'll be doing for the rest of my life. She's a good student, she doesn't get everything quickly but I relish the challenge of making her light bulb shine.

I give her a quick reply with the times I'm open and head for the bus stop. Home and sleep beckons. On the ride to my apartment I watch the flurry of activity going outside as students pack up and head home for the day.

I try to sketch the activity going on in a small notebook but it doesn't come out right. That's usually how it is though, its very rare when my drawings come out the way I want them to but I don't mind.

Rin certainly wouldn't. She would just look at me with those distant green eyes and I'd wonder what she would be thinking. When we spent time together she never had an opinion on what I drew.

Rin..

I miss you.


	2. Breath

As the professor drones on about differential equations I find myself doodling on the margins of the page of my notebook in the early hours of the morning.

I've never been one to zone out in class but sometimes I get an idea that won't stop spinning in my head until I sketch it. I wonder if that's how Rin felt with her paintings.

Maybe she rubbed off on me more than I thought.

The sheer amount of time she spent in front of her canvas was amazing. Once she was fixated on an idea she could paint for hours on end. Most of the time she worked in silence, she preferred it that way.

She was so immersed in her work that she even forgot to eat. Sometimes I brought her snacks on those fateful days in the atelier, which she would proceed to take a bite off from my hands all while keeping her eyes on her brush. Remembering that brings a smile to my face.

This time I am doing a cartoon rendition of the professor in front of the class. He doesn't look too happy to be here, zooming through the material in order to be done with us. This type of professor is always harder to work with, they're more interested in research than in teaching undergraduate courses.

I've been thinking about joining a research project myself. There are plenty of opportunities even for undergraduates at this university. I've taken a look at some of the projects out there but none of it grabs me as interesting enough.

I'm more of the type to work with my hands than spend countless hours solving complex equations. Hence why I am doodling now.

Just as I finish shading in his hair, the professor wraps up the discussion and dismisses us. I follow the stream of students out the door as I put away yet another assignment sheet full of differential equations to solve.

I coasted by well enough academically in my first year of college. It's harder to juggle a job and all my classes but somehow I've managed to carve out a small place for myself in this university. It's not much but it's a start and I am kept fairly busy.

Even so, I often find myself with more spare time on my hands than I know what to do with. Most of my classes are in the morning and I have them spread out enough throughout the week so that I make time for work, which leaves gaps of extra time.

There are hundreds of clubs to choose from at Kyoto and I've tried everything from chess to swimming. What I've found is that nothing can compare to the rush of a daily run in the afternoon.

During my first semester here I hardly thought about continuing my runs. I steadily began to miss day after day since classes were so long and by afternoon I was too tired to run. It wasn't until Emi and I started our tutoring lessons that she guilt-tripped me back into it.

This time around when I made my class schedule I specifically left my afternoons open for running. The best part is that if I hurry I can usually catch Emi in the middle of her own runs. It's always harder to skip a commitment if you're letting someone else down.

I reach the local university track and change into my running shorts and a t-shirt in one of the nearby bathrooms. The sun is beginning to die down for the day so it's not too hot. It's the perfect time to run in the afternoons.

I set my bag in a corner of the empty bleachers and scan the track for some sign of the familiar hyper active twin tails but there's no sign of Emi today.

"She must have been held up in class," I say to myself as I start the daily stretching ritual that Emi taught me.

I take a large step forward with my right leg, bending my knee until my thigh is parallel to the floor and my knee is aligned with my ankle. Pushing back upward, I draw my left foot even with my right and step forward with the left.

I do this for several times until I'm raring to go and I break into a light jog. I always like to start running light and build up throughout the whole session, it keeps the blood flowing and doesn't put too much of a strain on my heart.

I feel myself starting to sweat almost immediately. I'm a bit rusty after a year of blowing off running. Emi had been extremely disappointed in me that I abandoned the routine we worked so hard on during our Yamaku days. It took some effort to get her off my back the first day but she never missed a chance to make me feel sorry about it after that.

I manage to complete a lap but by then my lungs are starting to burn up. I bend and put my hands on my knees to try catch my breath. Suddenly I feel a clap to the back that nearly drives me to the ground and I hear a small giggle.

"Already falling down Hisao? We haven't gotten started!" Emi says beaming, helping me to keep steady so I don't actually tip over.

"So the track wonder finally arrives. I feel so honored to be graced by your presence," I cough, sharing her smile. She's shining with sweat, I'm guessing she must have run over here as soon as classes ended.

Emi sticks out her tongue at me and I am about to return it when I feel a slight sharp cramp in my chest. I bend a little and Emi notices enough to break into form.

"Hisao!"

It leaves as fast as it came and I sway my hand in front of her.

"It's alright. I'm just out of shape. Gotta get back into the rhythm."

Emi doesn't look convinced but she backs off a little and starts stretching, keeping her eye on me. She knows I don't like people being all over me because of my condition.

There are no guarantees when it comes to my heart but I figure it's just a spasm. A small obstacle in getting back into shape.

Once she finishes her stretching she leads me into a run. Unlike the impatient me, Emi likes to chop practice into little pieces, starting with a full sprint for five minutes and then dropping into a brisk walk for two only to run back again.

I know it's not her usual pattern for when she runs but I notice she always follows it when she runs with me. The thought slightly irritates me and I pull ahead of her, pushing myself just a little bit more.

I don't need her to go easy on my account.

With her carbon fiber prosthesis legs clanking against the rubble track ground she takes it as a challenge and moves to run even with me.

Twin tails whipping behind her, she gives me the mischievous eye I've become so fond of.

"Feeling a little adventurous Hisao?" she asks.

"I'll race you to the rest of the lap," I challenge her, taking the lead ahead. She follows me with a bubbly giggle.

I'm forced to breathe solely through my mouth for air now. My heart is going miles ahead of both of us but in a way it feels so good. Emi certainly hasn't lost her touch, she easily overtakes me and begins to jog backwards with a sly smile on her face.

"C'mon slowpoke! Christmas will be here by the time you finish," Emi darts off and I am left slowing to a brisk walk. Panting, I watch her go. I will never know where she gets all her energy. She was the same way at Yamaku and in fact I think she's gotten even better.

Her record times around the track have left those times of Yamaku in the dust. The track team here pushes her to become faster and it's amazing to see how far she has come.

Emi is lucky to have something that will always be hers. Something special that can never be taken away, even when you don't have any legs.

Almost everyone I know has something special, some talent that makes them who they are. I think about Rin and how she has painting. I myself don't have any special gifts. Sure I can do pretty well academically but is that really a gift? It's not as practical as what Emi or Rin have.

Is that why I am going into teaching? What's that saying I heard again?

_Those who can, do, those who can't, teach. _

I frown to myself and break into a run. Emi has already finished the lap and is half way around another coming up behind me.

As I finish the lap she finally reaches and pulls to an even rhythm with me.

"I didn't do so well on my Chem exam today," She says, breathing in controlled bursts.

"Is that why you're pushing yourself so hard?" I ask, looking over to her. Even with the way Emi handles the track I can see tired lines under her eyes. The stress of classes must already be starting to settle in.

She smiles and shakes her head. "Silly, I always push myself. Why do something if you're not going to give it a hundred and ten percent?"

"Chemistry isn't something you can just run through. It takes time to understand, you have to get the basics first." I say, panting. I'm reaching my limit.

"And that's why I have _you_ to help me," Emi says cheerfully. I figured she would try to enlist my help again this semester. She already had to take the class once and dropped it. She can't afford to fail again.

I slow to a light walk and breathe in some air. Emi slows to match me and together we walk on.

"Why can't you get a real tutor? I'm a physicist, chemistry isn't exactly my area of expertise."

"Because no one is as well-versed in science as you are. Besides, you took the class and passed it. It's easier when you have a friend explaining it to you." Emi explains, putting on her trademark puppy dog eyes. I can already see where this is going.

"Please don't put that face on. You know I can't deal with it."

Emi clings to my arm and makes her puppy dog face, I try to look away but she just goes around me until I finally cave.

Emi whoops and happily throws a fist in the air. "Aren't you studying to teach people anyway? And can spending a few hours with me really be that bad?" She grins at me.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" I give a playful shrug. Emi knocks on my arm and laughs.

"Yeah, Rin will come and walk in on us once in a while and it will be just like old times!"

Emi must have seen my face drop at the mention of Rin, because she stops. I stop as well, I don't know when Rin's name started to be taboo between us but we've both never really talked about her, besides the odd mention here and there.

This time though instead of the awkward reminiscing that usually comes with her name Emi smiles at me and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Have you seen her? We had lunch yesterday. Her art career really seems to be taking off." Emi says, but I can barely hear her anymore. This can't be true.

The last time I saw Rin she carved my heart out without a care of whether I accepted her decision to leave or not. She left me picking up the pieces of our fragile relationship and of what I thought of myself too.

"Hisao? What's wrong?" Emi starts to ask but I shake my head and put on a half-hearted smile for her.

"Nothing. Rin's here you said? Great. I'm glad to hear her art is working out."

I can feel the poison on the tip of my tongue. It comes out automatically but I regret saying it as soon as it leaves my mouth. Emi doesn't deserve any heat for what happened between Rin and me.

"Why do you say it so coldly?" Emi frowns, picking up on my sudden shift in attitude but before I have a chance to apologize I feel another wave of cramps in my chest, this time sharper than the last.

I bend over trying to catch my breath. The pain grows steadily until I feel another jab to my chest, as if someone stabbed me with a javelin.

"Hey, are you okay?" Emi's worried voice washes over me. She tries to keep me upright so I won't fall but I can't take it.

The sudden waves of pain immediately make me double over and I hear Emi yelp in surprise.

"Hisao!"

She comes over to me but she is not sure of what to do. I can barely keep my eyes open from the pain. It's blinding. It feels like the crushing weight of the world has been put on top of my chest.

I hear Emi calling for help but her voice is starting to sound distant. With every beat my heart threatens to burst out of my chest, each thump sending ripples of numbing pain throughout my body. I gasp for air but my lungs don't register any.

So this is how it ends. I knew it would happen sooner rather than later but not like this….not in front of Emi.

The last thing I see before it goes dark is Emi looking over me with tears on her face and people rushing over to us.


End file.
